A Malay employee feels excluded, four Chinese colleagues regularly go for meals without her
‘They don’t want to eat Malay food’: Manager says Malay employee went to HR after Chinese colleagues kept having lunch without her
In SINGAPORE, a manager has turned to the internet for advice after a workplace lunch arrangement spiralled into an HR issue, when a Malay employee complained that she felt excluded because her four Chinese colleagues regularly went for meals without her.
Posting on the r/askSingapore Reddit forum on Monday 15 December 2025, news portal Singapore Independent reported the manager said he had more or less tried everything within reason to deal with the situation.
When the employee first approached him about feeling “left out,” he started rotating lunch companions among the team, occasionally opted to eat alone just to avoid any misunderstandings, and made sure the team went out for a meal together at least once every quarter.
He also spoke to the Chinese colleagues involved, who assured him there was no deliberate exclusion.
“I spoke to the Chinese members, and they said they’re not excluding her intentionally. They just don’t want to eat Malay food,” he wrote. “The Malay colleague [apparently] prefers Malay-style restaurants or restaurants that sell only Malay food. Nasi padang, Mee rebus, nasi lemak, etc.”
Despite these efforts, he said the Malay employee still escalated the matter to HR. “HR spoke to me, and I told them that lunch is personal time and I can’t force people to eat together. At work and in meetings, I’ve already made English mandatory, and there are no communication issues professionally,” he wrote.
“I understand the Malay colleague feels left out, but even the Chinese colleagues don’t always eat together. Sometimes, 2 went to eat at different places because they have their own ‘cravings.’ I think everyone has to put in a bit of effort if they want to have lunch together or compromise.”
The manager added that HR had indicated there was little more they could realistically do and that the employee had hinted she might resign from the company.
“The Malay colleague hinted at leaving. I mean, her work is fine, and I can’t force a social relationship. The worst-case scenario is she resigns.”
Uncertain about how to resolve the issue, the manager turned to Reddit for advice, writing, “What would you do? Any food recommendations near Tanjong Pagar?”
"Complaining to HR is ridiculous..”
The post quickly gained traction, racking up more than 700 upvotes.
In the comments, many Redditors slammed the Malay employee for making a mountain out of a molehill.
One commenter wrote, “Malay here. I think escalating this to HR is taking it too far. Lunch is indeed personal time and not meant to be a team outing every single day. Definitely do a team lunch once in a while, but she cannot expect it every single time. Jeez. She can also tapau her own food and join you guys when you lunch in shared spaces.”
Another said, “You can’t force adults to eat together; complaining to HR is ridiculous. Lunch is a private time, and if employees want to exclude others, that’s their prerogative.”
Others, however, were more sympathetic towards the Malay employee, pointing out that being consistently left out in a small team could take an emotional toll.One explained, “It may seem trivial, but in a team of just 5 people, if you’re the only one who’s left out from socialising, it’s not a great feeling. It’s bound to spill over into work as well.”
Compromises, eating at hawker centres
Some also suggested practical compromises, such as eating at hawker centres where everyone could find something suitable. One said, “Hawker has so many options — Malay, Chinese, Western, etc. Where are your team members eating their lunch? Every day eat non-Malay restaurants?”
They added, “You are right that you cannot force people to eat lunch together, but it seems like your Chinese team members don’t want to make an effort to make the only one Malay member feel included. Don’t they like her? Because it’s not hard to come out with a solution like going to hawkers or Taobao food to eat together?”
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| Adapted by Fauzi Kadir Chief Editor
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